So, you’ve identified a potential birth parent and you’re ready to reach out. But how? What’s the best medium? Phone? Email? Snail mail? And what do you say?
There’s no magic bullet here, but if you’ve made it this far in your search, you know that already. Some birth parents have been praying you would find them, some never knew you existed, and some hope to take their secret to the grave. Worse, you have no way of knowing which of those describes the person you’re contacting.
Plus, you might have the wrong person.
For these reasons, I advocate reaching out in a way that gives the other person room to maneuver, emotionally speaking. A phone call is risky, because you’ll almost certainly take them by surprise, and they might feel cornered. Email is quick but impersonal, and it might not be seen. A letter is better, if you have a mailing address. Hand address the envelope, and pay for delivery confirmation if want to know when it was delivered.
I’ve had success with an approach that lays out the evidence for the relationship but doesn’t take the final logical step of saying outright “You’re my parent.” Even if you know with absolute certainty that you’re writing to your birth father, for example, don’t say so. Say, instead, the equivalent of “Hmm, this is interesting. Do you have any information that might shed light?” Then, let him come to you.
Sometimes, you may want to leave out evidence from your letter. If you have DNA proof of who your grandparents were, and they only had one daughter (your birth mother), you may instead want to describe your connection to your great grandparents (her grandparents), so she has wiggle room.
DNA is complicated, but keep your letter simple. No need to mention centimorgan values and segment sizes and X chromosomes. You don’t want to scare the recipient off.
Responses to the letter have been varied. One birth mother was thrilled to be found. Another said ‘Sorry, I can’t help, good luck with your search.’ (Yes, she was the birth mother.) One birth father pointed us to his cousin and agreed to take a DNA test to help. (Heh.) Another not only acknowledged the relationship but also thanked his daughter for reaching out in such a considerate way.
Which is to say, no promises. My fingers are crossed for you, though, very, very tightly.
Final comments before I share the template. I’m a scientist. I think like a scientist and write like one, which is to say: bone dry. Feel free to modify the letter however you like to make it reflect your personality. The template below is for an adoptee. It can be easily modified for an unknown father situation or even a break in your lineage further back in time.
Bracketed text in blue is meant to be replaced with your own details. Bracketed text in red is commentary to guide you in modifying the letter for yourself. Please proofread your final version and make sure all of the bracketed text has been edited or removed, otherwise the recipient may think it’s a poorly executed scam.
If you have suggestions to improve the letter, or if you try it and it works for you, please let me know in the comments.
Template Letter
Dear {potential birthparent’s name},
I recently took a genealogical DNA test through {name of testing company} and learned that I am descended from your {relationship of shared ancestors to potential birthparent, e.g., grandparents}, {name and dates of the husband ancestor} and {name and dates of the wife ancestor}. I have close cousins through both the {husband’s surname} and {wife’s surname} families. {Modify as fits your scenario; for example, you may only have cousins through one of the lines.}
I have also taken a yDNA test, which tracks a man’s surname lineage, and it connects me to several other people from the {surname} surname. {Women cannot do the yDNA test, so you will want to delete this paragraph.}
I was born {name at birth} on {birthdate} in {birth city and state} and adopted {time of adoption, e.g., shortly after my birth}. I am searching for my biological family to learn my heritage and especially my medical family history. I have a copy of non-identifying adoption information that states that my birth mother was {description from nonID: age, ethnicity, occupation, etc.} and my birth father was {description from nonID: age, ethnicity, occupation, etc.}. (My DNA shows evidence of both ethnicities.) Both of my biological parents were born in {location where they were born}. I {do not} believe that my birth father knew that I was placed for adoption. {If your case is one of unknown paternity, you can change this to describe your mother and the time and place of your conception.}
Of the {#} children of {husband ancestor} and {wife ancestor}, I have been able to rule out {names of their children who have been ruled out}, meaning that either {name of candidate} or {name of candidate} was my {relationship to you, e.g., grandmother}. {Modify this paragraph to fit the details of your search. Remember to give your target an “out”, so that the evidence doesn’t point only to them.}
I hope that you have information that can help me to identify my birth parents and are open to contact with me. I don’t wish to upset anyone’s life; my purpose in searching for my birth family is to learn my medical history and perhaps see photos or maybe meet biological relatives, as I have never met anyone who looks like me. I was adopted by a loving family in {city and state} and am now married with {number} children and {number} grandchildren.
I am enclosing a photo of myself so you can see what I look like. I now live in {city and state}, and all my contact information is listed below. Please reach out to me if you might be willing to assist in my search.
I look forward to hearing from you, and will follow up with a phone call on {day and date a week or so after you expect them to receive the letter}. {Many searchers are uncomfortable with this paragraph and omit it.}
Sincerely,
{name, address, phone number, and email address} {Give the recipient multiple ways to contact you.}
Thank you very much. So helpful!! Look forward to reading more from you site!
The letter above is a really good template to use.
I also agree that you have to leave room for the other party to manoeuvre, and not to jump straight to the end point by making some form of definitive statement about the potential relationship in the first communication.
I’ve found that being open and honest in the first instance, about why your searching can go a long way in these matters, and that for the most part people will try to help you. Always give the other person enough information for them to be able to make a reasoned judgement about contacting you back.
If they do contact you back, then all subsequent communication becomes much easier, free flowing and can be very revealing. Plus you have started to build trust with the other party.
Trust, is an extremely important part in this process. It’s an intangible asset that takes a long time to build, but can be lost in seconds. The moment the other party lose trust in you, your relationship can be in jeopardy and your chances of success can go with it.
Recently I was contacted by someone who sent me half coded messages and smiley face emoticon’s,over 4 different emails, before finally suggesting that a close relative of mine was probably their G Grandfather.
The message was “telegraphed” and I knew their real intention for contacting me, but the fact that they weren’t direct with me made them look deceitful. I’m sure that they didn’t mean to be deceitful, and probably thought that they were protecting my feelings, however it didn’t endear me to them, or their plight, at all.
Being honest in these matters has nearly always paid back for me.
Important comments. Thank you for sharing them.
Hello, Thank you so much for sharing this template! I recently found out that the man I thought was my father wasn’t through ancestry.com and my bio mother doesn’t know who my bio dad is. After tracing my relatives that would be on my bio dads side I narrowed it down to my bio dad but here’s the catch he has a twin brother and after weeks of research I know I’m correct and connected all the dots! Your letter made me feel so comfortable with reaching out to them and I followed your instructions and mailed it restricted so that only the recipient could sign for it. It has been 2 weeks now and I haven’t heard back from them and was hoping for some advice on what to do next. I am grown with my own family now and want nothing from my bio dad other to hopefully get to know him and my siblings. I don’t know how much time to give this and if I should try to call them if they don’t respond?
Thank you again
My heart goes out to you. This is the most nerve-wracking part of a search, because we can’t control the outcome. My best advice is to wait another couple of weeks to let him work through what you’ve told him, then try again. Please let me know of any updates. I’m pulling for you!
Hi did you ever hear back from him?
I found out my father wasn’t my father through ancestry DNA…wasn’t expecting that, but I was then given two options which was easy to figure which one was the one that was probably my father through DNA. So 2nd day I figured it out. 3rd day I did the phone call and met up with him and took his DNA. Bout a week later got results back and I was right…he is my biological father. The next weekend I’ve met my him, step-mom, sister, two nephews, only first cousin and 3 of her four children. The next weekend I met my grandma. (this is the next weekend) tomorrow the immidate family is all getting together again to hang out let the kids play and take pictures. So the phone call works…it was a shock for me, figured may as well shock him too.
Wow! That’s a whirlwind series of events. Congratulations on your new-found family!
I cannot thank you enough for this! I was truly lost for words and this is precisely what I needed to deliver the news to my bio-father. He was very impressed by the way I chose to deliver the news and I have no one to thank but you. Thank you ? . It was eloquent, to the point and very giving. Well done!
Good luck and most of all peace in the hearts of everyone that needs these resources. ❤️
I can’t tell you how pleased I am that the letter was useful. Congratulations on finding your bio-father!
If I only have my bio-dad’s name from ancestry dna (closest other relative is a second cousin) and all the non-identifying info I have I now question (including whether he knows about me) how would you recommend proceeding? Many many thanks!
Is the 2nd cousin on your bio-dad’s side?
I took a DNA test and I have 3 close results one first cousin, one-second cousin, and one-third cousin. I am going to have to guess which is on my mother’s side and which is on my father’s side. I also am really unsure how to proceed from here. I don’t want to upset anyone but am truly curious as to who my parents were and some of my medical history. I don’t think I want to meet anyone at this point. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.
Where did you test?
AncestryDNA
It’s probably best for you to contact me directly so I can give you advice. You can contact me by email (theDNAgeek -at- gmail.com) or via my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/theDNAgeek/).
I was adopted as a baby so I took a 23andMe and Ancestry DNA test to help me find my birth parents. I found my birth mother but I haven’t contacted her, yet. On Ancestry DNA, I found a first cousin on my father’s side so I contacted him. He was very open with me and gave me the names of his uncles and father; he wants to meet me. After doing more research, I think that he might be a half-uncle. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. What if he doesn’t know that his father has another son. How should I approach this matter? What should I say to him? I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed with this matter. Thanks so much.
I wouldn’t say anything unless I was absolutely sure, and then I would take my time breaking the news. For example, “It really looks like we’re first cousins, but there are some other options, like half uncle. Could that be possible? I don’t want to disrupt the lives of your uncles unless I’m sure.” And then seeing how he reacts. He might be willing to get his uncles on board to find out.
You’re in a tough spot, but I can tell from your concern about them and their families that you’ll approach what could be a difficult conversation in a respectful and caring way. Good luck.
If you’re not sure, we could set up a consultation to review your matches to get a better feel for whether he’s a cousin or a half uncle.
Thank you very much for your advice.
You’re welcome. Good luck.
Thank you!
You’re welcome. Good luck!
I tried your letter approach, but was soundly rejected. It seems my most likely BF was a member of 10 siblings. So far children of 5 of those have tested as first cousins. Of the 2 male siblings’ children remaining, one sibling’s child will not respond at all and the other sibling’s child has threatened to bring charges of harassment for me even bringing up the matter. The latter is also within just a few days of my birthday and his father bears a very strong resemblance to me. I tried asking for help on DNA Detectives – no one stepped up. Anyone like to kelp me resolve this long standing dilemma?
Unfortunately, if you’ve approached all of the adult descendants of the last two candidates, and they won’t test, there’s not much you can do except wait and hope they change their minds. I’m so sorry. Are the cousins receptive? Forging relationships with them may be gratifying, and could also have the side benefit of bridging acceptance by your remaining cousin and half sibling. I wish you the very best.
I’m in a tough spot. I’ve located my two potential birth fathers ( brothers)
One is alive – one is not.
Which family do I approach first?
I have a gut feeling it’s the one who is alive.
He has two daughters. I have all the addresses, phone numbers and emails.
Email or Letter? What’s most effective?
My concern is his wife may open it and I don’t want to cause any stress in their lives.
Any advice is appreciated.
Jaime
I would contact both families: the brother who is alive and the children of the one who isn’t. If you craft the letter according to the template, the family can ease into an acceptance of what you’re telling them. One or both families may decide “it’s the other brother” at first. Let them think that, and simply ask them to test. They’ll have several weeks to adjust before the results come back. Good luck!
Thank you for your template. I’m sure it has helped many people write a letter of contact. I wish it was something that would help me. You see, I found my birth mother many years ago. She had already passed. Last May (2018) I did Ancestry dna and got results. There was a match that took until this past (2019) January to figure out who she is. No relatives (matches) had ever heard of her or knew who she is, search angel couldn’t figure it out, it was a dead end. She however did have the name of her paternal grandfather and her maternal grandmother on her ‘tree’. Her paternal grandfather was married to my birth mother. Believe me, it took many hours with lots of fits and starts to confirm the name I recognized was who I thought when I saw it. She is my half niece and she’s listed as 1st cousin on ancestry. Folks have messaged her on ancestry (using the “Hi, I see that we are [1st, 3rd, etc.] cousins with no response. We have no idea if she’s even gotten the messages. (She’s young and in the military). She has logged on twice – March 2018 and December 2018. Because I was digging, I found the half brother I suspected I have. Knowing my “mother’s” history, I am reasonably/almost positive she never told her fourth and last] husband that she had given two daughters up for adoption, 14 years before they were married. I know where my niece lives and I know where my half brother lives (he is 15 years younger than I). So, where might I find a template for contacting my niece and one for contacting my half brother? I’ve looked and just can’t seem to find one. Especially one to someone who hasn’t tested (half brother). Thanks in advance for any help.
Feel free to modify this template to fit your situation. Good luck reaching out to them!
I am looking to write to someone who i believe may be my bio-father. I want to contact him to find out whether they are and wanted to know the best way to write to them to confirm this.
I hope the template in this post works for you. Good luck!
Hello,
I love the draft of your letter! I am an adoptee and had attempted to write one and it was not nearly as eloquent. Question: My 23andme said “father.” Does that mean he definitely is my father? How accurate are these kits? I saw the comment in here about brothers and they were not sure which one it was. I do not want to make any assumptions.
Oh my goodness! Yes, if 23andMe says “father”, there’s not much wiggle room. Technically, there are two possible relationships there: father or son. You can tell the difference using your ages.
Thanks! I am going to use your template to write a letter to him now. Nervous 🙂
Fingers crossed! Please let me know how it goes.
Hi
I thought this was a genius letter. I used it to send a letter to my birth mom. And plan on sending one to my birth uncle or dad which ever one he is . One is deceased and because of the close age I’m not real sure. What complicates this is they both gave a child up for adoption with in a few months of each other. My main question is how long to expect a response back from my birth mom. I’m worried the letter didn’t express an interest in personal contact. Which could possibly be hurtful. What is the normal response time to expect? And is there a possible follow up letter we can use if there isn’t a response?
I’m so glad you found the letter helpful. There isn’t a standard response time, unfortunately. Each person is different. I’d give it at least a month or two.
I sent this letter to my bmom and bdad. My bdad replied within 48 hours of receiving it – he denied I was his, a week later he contacted me again and apologized as I didn’t deserve that, I was his kid (he had no idea I existed). My bmom took a little while to contact me, about 6 weeks, she called on my birthday. It has taken about a year but we are building a relationship now.
How wonderful that both of your birth parents are open to contact. I am so happy for you!
Thank you so much for your template! I would like to use it to send letters to my half sister and potential BF. I found their home addresses via google searching and Facebook. I’m planning on sending certified letters to their physical home addresses but leave out how I found their addresses. My other options are to send a message to my BF’s wife’s Facebook page…not good, or send a second message via Ancestry to my half sister (but she hasn’t yet checked her inbox for my first message). What do you think?
I would send a letter to your BF first. Give him a chance to respond before trying to contact your half sister outside of Ancestry. Since she’s tested there, reaching out to her via their messaging system is fair game. I would absolutely not contact his wife except as a last resort. It’s not likely to have a positive outcome. Best of luck to you!
Thank you so much for posting this template! In such a sensitive moment of my life you gave me the words I needed to express myself. I used this template and received a response from my bio father within 2 weeks, who responded with kindness and understanding. Thank you for helping me and all the others who have posted here! I only hope that everyone else who is in a similar situation finds the answers they are looking for, and would recommend this letter to do it! Wishing you all the best 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your success story. I’m so glad to hear that the letter helped. Best wishes moving forward with your new-found biological father.
Can you give me some advice on how to write a follow up? It has been 3.5 months since the birth mom received the letter (which was sent certified). I have not heard anything in response. So, of course I wonder if it was her who really signed for it, etc…. But do you recommend something saying “I understand the complications of this, but just want you to know that I simply would like to confirm I have the correct person, or I should move on in my search” something to that effect?
Thanks for any help you can provide. 3.5 months feels like forever!
I’m sorry she hasn’t responded. Your approach sounds fine, but if she doesn’t respond a second time, I’m afraid you should let it be. I’m hoping all the best for you.
Thank you for this template. I hope to be able to use it someday for my husband’s maternal grandfather. So far we have a supposed name and place in Germany but haven’t had luck with response from descendants in Germany. There is only one decent match that appears to be from that branch but that person also doesn’t know her paternal grandfather. I am having a hard time building out trees and genetic networks because everyone else is a distant match and there doesn’t seem to be many German records online. At this point, is it just a waiting game for more usable matches? I have my husband’s DNA on Ancestry, MyHeritage, FTDNA and Gedmatch.
For records, you might try consulting a German genealogist who specializes in the region of Germany you think your husband’s grandfather was from. They will have access to records that are not online. As far as DNA matches go, you’ve discovered the hard way that not many Germans have tested at this point. You’ll probably have the best luck at MyHeritage.
Thank you so much for this great template.
The only thing that I have found that makes this less awkward for everyone is to have a cousin write the letters.
I have found 20+ birth parents for my extended adopted cousins. Since I match one side of their family; representing that side is a huge help. I identify how I am related to them and then how the adopted person is related to their lineage.
All of the contact information in the letter is through me. That way if the birth mother or father want to decline contact they don’t have to say no to their birth child. It gives them a way out and wiggle room so to speak.
I have to say in the 20+ cases I have solved, I only had one birth mom who didn’t want contact. I found this case the most usual since her grown children today had no children of their own. Only her adopted daughter has children. So these would be her only grandkids.
Having an intermediary make contact is also a good option if someone is willing. Your new-found cousins are fortunate to have you on their side.
Hi Shelley! I received an email from you asking if I had made contact with my bio family (with regard to my comment about my maternal half brother and half niece with not knowing how to reach out to either of them by mail).
I never could figure out just what to say in a letter to either of them and figured it would “come to me” if I put it out of my mind for awhile.
Out of the Blue, on December 9, 2020 I received TWO notifications (Ancestry and 23andMe) that I had messages from a relative. They were from my half niece! She had decided to reply to the messages that had been left for her on those two sites. The messages were from my half sister (also her half aunt) and a 2nd cousin (she got involved when we were trying to figure out who she [half niece] was and how we were all related. I know my [half] sister replied and I did as well.
As it turns out, her father (our half brother) had apparently mentioned in passing, that he was curious about our mother’s “past” and the niece took it upon herself to help him (without his knowledge). After I replied to her, she told her father that he had two half sisters (he had evidently been told by HIS paternal step sister, many years ago, that he had a half sister (our mother had told her). He didn’t believe it, but at one time had investigated (back before all the DNA stuff), but it because too difficult to find any information so he dropped it.
After communicating with me, our niece checked MY tree(s) on Ancestry and 23andMe and determined that she is, in fact, our half niece and that her father is, in fact, our half brother.
Long story short: He (brother) says he is willing to communicate with us what he knows about our mother. I’m guessing the communications will be through our niece, but it’s too soon to tell. Our niece was thinking about getting him a DNA kit for Christmas, but I haven’t heard yet whether she did. I do know that [previously] he was hesitant to take the test because he did NOT want ANY of his paternal relatives to have any access to him. I let the niece know that he can keep everything private should he choose, but also, he did not have to communicate with or acknowledge any of those relatives if he didn’t want to. Also, that those relatives would already have some knowledge due to the fact that SHE took those tests.
Our brother had a VERY bad life (mostly due to his father who was not a good person), but also not a very good life with our mother. Knowing what we know about our mother and HER life, we are not surprised, but we (sister and I) do feel pain in our hearts that he had to go through all of that and we feel eternally blessed for having been removed from her custody.
I/we do hope that our brother will communicate with us himself and not just through our niece and we are giving them both “space” to come to terms with all of it. He had a birthday the day before Christmas and I sent happy birthday wishes through our niece.
Thanks for asking and offering to assist me/us with contacting our brother, but that particular problem solved itself.
Hi Kathi,
At least contact has been made. That is the largest hurdle!
I have sent 6 letters out to family of an adoptee that I am helping now. The dad never responded and BTW, I never said he was the dad. I also sent letters to 2 half brothers and 3 uncles/aunts. Four of these letters just went out on Tuesday.
You just never know how people will react. We are hoping someone will talk to us. At this point I don’t know who her mother was but I am pretty confidant who dad was. It is a waiting game to see if anyone responds.
I hope your 1/2 brother chooses to communicate. It isn’t your fault or your 1/2 sisters that he had such a terrible life. If he can put that behind him and see he has 2 great sisters, life might be better.
Please keep me posted how things go.
Best of luck to you!
I like the idea of having a cousin reach out and that actually happened with my paternal half brothers (without my asking the cousin for help). Our father never knew I existed. Sadly he passed before he could be told.
Also, sadly, there are no cousins to help with reaching out to my maternal half brother who may or may not know about me. His daughter tested and is my half niece, but I have no idea whether she told her father or even if she has figured out the relationship she and I have.
So, I’m stuck in the “nobody to reach out for me” and “what to say” when reaching out on my own.
The template can give you some ideas about how to reach out on your own. The trick is to strike the right balance between telling them the whole truth and keeping enough back that you don’t scare them off right away. I find they’re more accepting if you give them time to think about it.
Kathi,
Have you made contact with your bio family? Did you find someone to reach out on your behalf?
I would be willing to write a letter on your behalf, but of course we would need to talk. Let me know if I can help.
Hi – I found out through Ancestry after taking a DNA test, that my Father isn’t my biological Father. My Father and I were building a family tree together, and I decided to have a DNA test done because we were hitting a brick wall with finding relatives and I thought having a DNA test would throw us some more results. To say we were shocked by the results was an understatement! To make things worse, I didn’t notice the DNA match first, my Dad did. To think I handed that to him on a plate, breaks my heart.
My Dad recognised this persons name immediately, and after talks with my Mother, she admitted to him about having an affair. They told me a week later (I hadn’t looked at Ancestry for a while, so I hadn’t noticed myself).
Anyway, I’ve lived with this for a year, and while ‘we’ have all moved on, nobody talks about it and thankfully as a family we have all gone back to normal. Except for me. Most of the time I don’t actually think about it, but there are gut wrenching times when the feelings are so over whelming, I feel myself going into some kind of depression.
I feel like I want to know more about my biological father, and then I don’t, and then I feel guilty that I’m betraying my father. I can’t talk to my Mum in case I upset her and I know really she is keeping some parts from me, and I don’t want to upset their lives again, especially now its all died down. So the only person I really can look to for answers is my bio-father. I have written so many messages through Ancestry and deleted them.
I’m not looking to fill a family hole, I’ve had a great childhood and I have a loving family, I’m not missing anything in my life, I’m just intrigued to know more, but is that enough to rock someone elses world for, or is that just selfish?
Everything you’re feeling is normal. So normal that others in your situation have created support groups online. This article might give you some insight into how not-alone you are in this. https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/07/dna-test-misattributed-paternity/562928/
You might want to join such a group to help you cope with this revelation before you decide whether to reach out to your biofather. There’s no right or wrong here, just what’s right for you.
This is always a sticky substation. Are there any close DNA matches to your bio father’s side? Do you have a 1C or 2C match on his side? Try to find someone who can make the contact for you. It allows the bio parent some wiggle room to decline contact and I have found they are much more likely to talk to a stranger than their child.
I have a cousin (case #24 for me now) who was adopted and I found her bio dad in 5 days. Wrote to him and he has never replied nor did I get the letter returned. So this week I wrote to his son, who should be a 1/2 brother to my cousin. Still haven’t heard from the son, but he might need time to respond.
I never say that they are the parent, brother, sister, etc…. I tell them who the adoptee is matching on DNA. The bio family will more than likely know these people or at least the surnames.
It is a shocker for all that is for sure. But I believe the adopted person should know about the bio family even if they don’t make direct contact with the immediate family. I find a lot of adoptees like to know where the family came from and any health issues. This gives the adoptee a connection to their lineage.
Best of luck. Post updates please.
I liked the sample letter and the idea of tweaking it to suite your needs. I would make a few suggestions. If this person is a biological parent I would enclose a photo of yourself since they might see a resemblance to themselves or someone in thier family. I would totally avoid using registered mail since you don’t know if he or she will be the one that answers the door,also registered mail tends to make people think your looking for something or worse yet a bill collector (might not sign for it) I sent my bio father a letter and photo first class mail. It turned out he wasn’t in the US when the letter arrived and was put aside by his wife until he returned. I had no idea he had a wife none of the database companies I paid to get his correct address list a wife living at the address. Another thing I was told he knew about my mother being pregnant, it turned out to be totally untrue (my grandmother finally stated he was correct) You only get one shot at a first impression if you appear aggressive or insulting you may never get a response
Hi Ariana,
I do everything you mentioned, like the photo of the adoptee and sending it first class mail. In this last case I also included a photo of the grandfather since it was available and the adoptee looks a lot like grandpa!
Again, I never say that they are the bio parent, aunt/uncle, 1/2 sib or any other relationship. I just ask for their help in solving the mystery.
I am very frustrated with this last case. I have send 6 letters out and NO one has responded. Nor have my letters been returned. I sent 2 letters out before Christmas and 4 more letters mid January. I have solved many adoptee cases and none have been so unresponsive.
The adoptee had a 1C1R match who spoke to me and the adoptee back in Dec. Now he is not talking. We are trying to figure out why everyone is so silent?
In the past, I have had more luck with older people spilling the beans. It is like they want the truth to come out. Especially, since they are older and in this case the adoptee is 58. Time seems to heal and the bio parents are more mature at this point.
We have at least 2 younger cousins that could be contacted. So that is our next set of letters.
With all of the DNA matches on the fathers side, I am confidant that I have the correct family. The biggest confirmation is a 2C match to the father’s grandmothers family. The surname is so unusual that this has to be the correct lineage. DNA doesn’t lie.
Fingers crossed that someone makes contact soon!
Thanks so much for the letter. I used your template twice. I wrote a letter to someone because I wasn’t sure if she is my paternal grandmother or grand aunt. She called me within a few days and gave me helpful information. She is my paternal grand aunt. My paternal grand aunt had a lot of sisters and all of them are deceased so she is trying to help me connect with other relatives to help me.
Also, I used the template to write a letter to my birth mother and included pictures. Unfortunately, it has been four months and she hasn’t responded. I was able to see that she did receive the letter. If she decides not to respond, I am okay with it. It is her loss. My adopted parents were wonderful. I won’t reach out to her again.
I will focus on finding my birth father. His relatives are trying hard to help me.
Thanks again.
I’m so glad to hear that the template was helpful in reaching out to your paternal side. Good luck in finding him!
hello, thank you for the template, a real life example is what i need! I’m writing to my biological father who had no idea I existed until 18 months ago (54 years of not knowing!!). This template will help, thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome, and good luck!